Myth: A higher-power is telling you that you should not be a parent.
Fact: Infertility is a disease of the reproductive system. It does not discriminate and affects all races, religions, men and women equally and people all over the world. Whether or not you resolve your infertility journey by choosing to become a parent is a function of your determination and not a higher-power.
Parenthood is attainable, if that is truly your goal. You may or may not be fortunate enough to have a biological connection to your child, but if you want the experience of being a parent, you can achieve that dream.
People who choose to be childfree after infertility have examined the avenues to parenthood, considered the advantages and disadvantages, and decided that being a family of two is also a blessing.
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This is National Infertility Awareness Week. I thought long and hard about making this post. I wrote it and then put it away. I rewrote it and then tweaked it some more. Those of you who know me in real life know that I will talk all day about almost anything as long as it’s not personal or emotional, so you know what a big deal this is.
We have been trying to become parents for 18 months now. We have been seeing a reproductive endocrinologist for unspecified infertility since July 2010. We have had four cycles of IUI, which resulted in one pregnancy in November, a missed miscarriage two days before Christmas and a D&C in January.
We are coming to a cross roads. My insurance will cover two more tries at IUI and that is all. No coverage for anything more aggressive, which is the norm for most insurance. I am lucky that it even covers the IUIs. If neither try is successful, anything else we do will be completely out of pocket. Fortunately, we do have options.
* Do nothing and accept that we will be a family of two (plus a furbaby) and enjoy our lives together.
* Adoption – domestic infant adoption is neither quick nor inexpensive. I’ve researched several local and national adoption organizations. At our age, placement can take up to 2 years or more and the costs range from $25,000 - $40,000.
* IVF – We could do IVF. This comes with a huge physical toll in addition to the expense, $20,000, with no guarantee of success. Our clinic’s success rate for those over 40 using their own eggs is 24%.
* Donor eggs – We could do IVF with donor eggs. This eliminates the all the meds and shots and monitoring and blood work that comes with IVF. It also increases the success rate to about 60%. We could do one cycle with donor eggs for $14,500, with no guarantee. We could participate in the shared risk program for $29,500, which gives you up to six IVF cycles with the guarantee of a take home baby or a complete refund.
So, that’s where we stand, here, at the beginning of IUI cycle #5. We are lucky that we have support from the family and friends that we have told and that we have the resources to make whichever way we decide to go viable. There are plenty of people for whom all of these options are out of reach.
We will gladly accept all your thoughts and prayers as we work together to decide what is best for us and we will happily share any good news, if and when we have some.
Understanding Infertility: http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
National Infertility Awareness Week: http://www.resolve.org/takecharge
